Q: What do you do when you throw a clock up in the air
A: Times up!
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Q: Whats big, red, and looks like a bucket?
A: A big, red bucket.
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What dog can't bark?
A hot dog.
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Q: What did the dog say when he sat on the sand paper?
A: Ruff.
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What do you call a cow with no legs??
Ground beef.
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The road to success is always under CONSTRUCTION!
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A horse went into a bar. The barman said..."Why the long face?"
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Q. What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating?
A. Getting r*ped.
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Q: What do you call a monkey on a mine field ?
A: a baboom
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What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk? An animal that stinks and stings!
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A man just got out of jail and ran down the road saying, "I'm free I,m free" and this little boy said, "Whow I'm four."
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Q: Witch gate that we cant enter?
A: Bill gate
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What do u call a cop with out back up and a gun???
Dead...
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Q : What is the difference between women and magnets ?
A : Magnets have also positive side.
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Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
A: He is all right now.
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Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's s*x?
A: Wait until it's born.
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Q: What is the biggest mouse in the world?
A: Enormous.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any..
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Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
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Q: Should I have another baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.
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Q: What do u find in an empty nose?
A: Finger prints.
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Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids leave home.
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Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes school.
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Q.What kind of bees make milk?
A:Boobies
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Q:What did one eye say to the other eye?
A:Between you and me something smells.
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Q: Why is it hard to play the card game "Uno" with a group of Mexicans?
A: Because they all take the green cards.
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Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.
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Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?
A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.
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Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a well mannered professional torturer?
A. The torturer would apologize first.
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Q: Whats long, hard, and full of seman?
A: A submarine.
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If your aunt had balls she would be your uncle!
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Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?
To see a butterfly.
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What did the elephant say to the naked man?
That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!
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Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Whats the only positive thing about Kenya?
HIV.
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What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
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What did the elephant say to naked man?
How do you breath through that thing?
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Whats brown, made of concrete, and shits in the woods ?
A bear, just added the concrete to make it sound interesting ...
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I don't worry about terrorism, I was married for 12 years !
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What's red and white and lives in a tree?
A sanitary owl
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Whats the hardest part of a vegetable?
The Wheelchair.
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What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
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Q. What's the difference between a good joke and this?
A. Everything.
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Q: How do you torture Helen Keller?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet
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In America you find party, in Russia party finds you.
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I've never smoked marijuana in my life, because I get really sleepy afterwards...
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Q: What do pilots eat?
A: Plane biscuits.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.
